Its been long very very long, so many things happened to me through the "year" i havent posted.

After feeling or getting put down in my last relationship with cesar the, i ended it like i so longly wanted  to, first we had a break and its was like we actually broked up, so i went out with a different guy well maybe it was more of a fling! which made me feel guilty even though we were on a break which was ending to complete break cuz it wasnt woking out with what i wanted and what his family wanted ( which mattered for him) i was getting controlled along with him!

Anyways after all that, i had a temporary relationship with an asian guy ( do not go out with an asian guy) only two months, i guess i did for pity. Lol, 23 and a virgin ( now i know why). I ended that one fast, after love at first sight with Bobby!!! i dont want to go into the asian guy, its too emabrassing! if i was a guy i'd be a virgin too!!!

Now im with Bobby i know is the love of my life , someone i can trust and feel ready for whats coming to me, with the right person so finally im having baby!!!!  girl, due 4 of October, two days after my birthday. Im so excited!!! i always wanted my own family, babie"s" and kids or whatever!!! and i finally feel something starting in my life!!!

 

 

 

 

            Its been so long that i havnt posted anything, Got too close to other guy or made them get too close to me.
           I didnt brake up with Arturo until i got fed up. i asked  Arturo for a break but in a way i wanted to permantly end the relationship, it already was fading away. i didnt want to, actually i could talk to him, cuz i was working all the time he was never there for me after i left his house. our Relationship was slowly fading away and i didnt want to miss out on my youth.
          I was on my own renting a relatives room, i was independent and he was still with his parent still with his family. He was too dependent. On me in our relationship i had to manage his manner teach him to be social  and to be a person on his own. told him theres sacrifices  to being your own person but he always listened to his parents.
        He was kind of a nerd. It made me proud though knowing he was one of the Smart ones in school. i thought i would have a life with him cuz of his education, but it took  much more sacrifces just to actually be with him not just with his family his ways. i couldnt have a relationship with him! he  just wanted me to be there for him, he wanted me on stand by for after he graduated college and then maybe after he retired whatever work he did. We litterally never went out on a one on one date in our 3 year relationship.  to be cntd

      As i wrote about how his Family kicked me out just cuz of his his racist uncle, living apart i started growing apart from him, we hardly were allowed  to talk to each other, it was just stupid for after i lived with him and his family and after they got to know me, they were still controlling our relationship, and didnt even want us to talk to each other on the phone, it was our relationship!!! It was as if we were too stupid to handle our conversation or hold the phone or something whenever his dad got mad at us. It was just so stupid i was suffering it was just too much adding to my past life that i still have problems with. And through our relationship i didnt feel as if i were growing up, it was like i was a kid always doing stupid things cuz i never listened or understood them cuz i was dumb. i still loved him though, it wasnt his fault that all this happened in the first place. we were just kids. we met i high school. but we grew up and his parent were treating us like we were still kids.

      Though his family kicked me out we still had our relationship together, "we" or maybe i tried to keep the relationship together. i always tried to go to his house to see him as much as i can but everything was just to uncomfortable. his mom never wanted me there anymore, i was always visiting at night cuz i was working in the day and they wanted me to leave  early  all the time, as early as i can almost like a few minutes that i just came in, his mom was always giving him signs or signaling she iddnt want me there and said lies

           Its been a long time since my last post i dont think it matters not much people loooks at my web journal. well thats a good thing. Any ways ive been doing bad this semester thats i ve been worrying about rent money. i saved up a little and im kinda jobless right now since see's candies hasnt called me. they only call seasonally so im not expectingn them to call me yet. but th emodeling job. ive been ignoring and puting down some offers to my agent. recently ive been bored i miss working.

          

          I just Quit my crappy telemarketing job last week on wenesday. Thye were so bull shiting me. They tranfered me to a different branch. and at my hours they were'nt even there to  open the office for me to work. i wasted so much time just waiting for them.

         Anyways, i got my modeling job to back me up, but it doesnt help that much yet though. Like a week or two b4 i quit my job. while i was walking to my BF school, a model agent gave me his card. i had an interview and all that. And just last night he called me if i know someone who looks like a model, is 21 yrs and is looking for a job. i was like i dont know any body!!! so they ask me to work for them and try sneeking into the club. i was so happy but a little nervous. i was in the club like 10:30 to 12:40. i was working with a HPNOTIQ crew. We were models served sample of Hpnotic breeze which was Hpnotic coconut rum and pineapple juice. um!! it tasted hecka good. And we told people if they buy our any Hpnotic blend drink from the bartender they get a free Hpnotic Tee.  

        While i was catering, after i gave a guy a sample he asked me is it as good as me!!!!! i was like  (Pervert)  just walking away then an asian guy was asking me to hook up with his cousin. coincidence that i walking to him  and gave him a sample he seemed interested, looking at me but too shy to talk to me. so i went on catering and when i ran out i went back to our table. Walking back through the small isle to the table a black guy was blocking my way on purpose to look at me then TRIED to tickle my stomach and i just walked away.and time passed by quick there was still hella sample and thats when i first tried it. i tried helping out finishing the samples, the ice kinda melted the taste away but it tasted really good with the pineapple's sweetness. Its cuz i never really drank my alcohol with juice or something. Well i got a free Tee to and a glow stick and they said they'll still be catering around clubs, actually every fridays and saturdays and they said that they might call me again to work for them. it was just for the night but i hope theres a next time!!! 

                My spring break sucked. it was'nt even a break for me cuz i was working my ass off. See's Candies in newpark mall borrowed me for  the whole week except for wenesday 12-5:30 and right after that was my other fuckin job telemarketing that right in front of the mall, i had to cross the whole parking lot and street to get there. i'm supposed to be at that job 4 to 8:00pm but since i had the other job i usually came at 5:45. To get to work in the first place i had to get ready like 2 1/2 or 3 hour early cuz it takes me like an hour and a 1/2 to get there trveling on bus and bart. i get off work at 8 so i usually get home at 9:30 depending on how slow the bus is, sometimes i get home at 9:45( thats so late).

     I'm mad but then something funny makes me happy. i'm mad cuzI couldnt go to my Bf this weekend, but  See's Candies called me and asked me to work (money is what i need right now) , And i was late like an hour and 15 minutes to work cuz i had an interview at "Mon Cargo" (philippines shipping service). I think they liked me. They were looking for a tagalog marketing assistant. I got lost and ended up in 98th in Oakland & San leandro was a block a way, so wierd! 98th is the opposite auh.... i dont know how to explain it!! When i finalyy got there they thought i was Chinese and didnt know how to speak tagolog. This is funny to me       later they asked me a question in tagalog and then i was thinking and asked it again then asked if i didnt understand her and she was hella surprised when i answered in tagalog .then when they saw my application they got surprised again that i spoke spanish. So when i finished the interview i was supposed to be at work already. But i was all the way in San Leandro Doolittle and hegenberger Dr waiting for the FREAKING bus 50 to get there. Anyways I was called by my boss and asked if im working and what time im i getting there!!!!! i was scared cuz i never been that late and i answer " im sorry im waitign 4 da bus heading right now!! its just that i had an job interview   i was like did i just say that .and she SAID okay get here ASAP. i was worried she might  might fire me. When i came to work she wasnt there i thought she was gone and i asked where she was at & she was at Lunch  and she came back she want ed to talk to me and i thought i was  . But she asked me if i wanted to be a permanent worker as a floater cool permanent behind a counter of CHOCOLATE . but i thought i might get fat  like she is (actually shes pregnant)  so i said ill think of it cuz im a telemaketer right now then she went home . then i thought that was a stupid answer cuz See's has a union paid vacay and health and dental benefit and shit. and i later found out she doesnt come back till tues. 

         I cant help my self   im starting to feel  naughty, i really need someone to sincerly hug me , just to cheer me up. And help get something off my shoulders. I maybe just need attention. My BF hasnt been calling me, not even an email  that he's busy and he wont contact me for a while.

      Its hard being with your crush all the time , i sometimes think he's my BF cuz of the way he treats me and when he hugs me  b4 he leaves. He so cute, well not really! i maybe have just said that cuz he makes me feel ,  it makes me wanna kiss him  hella bad .

        I feel confused, i think i love 2 guys! My BF is okay with me hooking up with other guys. But it makes me feel like a bad person. Its not like im fornicating with hundreds of guys. Well he trust i wouldnt do that. I'd never do that anyways! eww!   Theres only one guy i would hook up with if i would or could. And were getting to know each other already,  but i think he just wants me to play around with me or something It'll be cool but it makes me look bad.PLus well he has a GF he knows i have a BF, and that my BF would let me go out with him, i dont know i think i'm just too infatuated with him.

          I feel free but locked in LOVE. i cant stop thinking about my  BF. Its been a week and a few days  since i was kicked out. Good thing immediatly had a job that 'll pay for the rent. I went back to my Auntie's house, where i lived b4 i went to my BF. But this time i had to pay for rent since my auntie(the sis of my mom) lost her job and cant support me. My uncle said that i should pay cuz he doesnt want to support cuz he said im not his part of the family. We spoke about the payment the first day i came. I have my own room it was a mess. My BF dad didnt make me leave that same night that they wanted me kicked out, They just asked me to leave by the next day,  just for the info. So i went to my uncles house on sunday afternoon like at  4pm and the room was a mess. i took out all my old clothes and book and hecka junk to throw away. Some clothes i wanted to keep but like the color so i out it aside to dye black. I was looking 4 my walet 2 buy somthing and i thiought i left it @ my BF so i called him and his mom answered "bueno!" with his dad in the back saying that he doesnt want me calling all the  time cuz it's hella anoying then i told my BF my problem, and he didnt find it. then i found while talking to him and hung up cuz his dad really didnt want us to talk, just cuz he doesnt awant us to talk. then  i went to Walgreens which is so close now (yay!). but while i was walking to the store and back on the main street E14 about 5 time a different car with someone, wistled at me like i was prostitute and was calling me ( oh my god!) i was so pissed off of the world.

          later cleaning up the room i felt so lonely even though a guy i had a CRUSH on just started calling me ( my BF knows who he is and know i hav a crush on him) so i told the guy i have a crush on  everything that happened, he felt bad 4 me, he's sweet, he calling me just to say good night, he later stoped calling i think it was just while i was still depressed about getting kicked out (he was sweet). it just didnt feel the same.,usually it was noisy in the house with mexican music and A LOT of KIDS running everywhere. and at my house it was just the TV in my aunt's bedroom. I felt so lonely, i missed my Bf so much that i started crying all i wanted was to be with him. I was kinda not noticin gwhat i had when i was living with him, and told him that if i'd cheat on him it would only be with that guy or nobody! and i actually would have since he started calling  me and we were getting to know each other on the phone. I had crush on him since high school but i had a boy friend and he had a girlfriend. One time we spoke on the phone and he said he doesnt know if he really with his girlfriend, and that the relationship hasnt been doing good. and i was thinking it was my chance. But i just couldnt i think i was kicked out for this reason of not noticing what i got before i lose it. it just made me think that, were really meant to be with each other, cuz me being away from him made me think of him more of how much i love him. I love him so much. i still have a little crush on him but i know were better off as friend cuz he asked his girlfriend if there still together, you know what she did. so there still together oh well. Any ways i dont want there relation to be messed up by some one else, likewise with my relationship. I just cant stop thinking of him, ( oops i wasnt supposed to write this.

         Oh well it sounds good read on, plz sign in and post comment if any!